What About Me?
by jacksparrow589
Summary: Yet another post episode 25 fic, this time focusing on Riza's struggles. It looks like she might actually lose...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is totally drawn off of a K+ rated assignment for LA. Now it's T. YAY!**

"Damn it Maes! You _weren't_ supposed to die!"

Oddly enough, it was Riza who forced the annoyed sentiment out of her mouth, half-drowned by tears. She swirled her glass of wine. "If you had stayed around, maybe I wouldn't be by myself… He's just been so…" Riza sighed. "And I have, too."

Riza set the glass down and placed her head on her arms. It hurt to know that Maes would've probably been the thing that finally pushed her and Roy together.

She heard the knock on her door. Slowly, she plodded over and opened the door, ready to shut it again.

"Hawkeye, I wanted to…" Roy trailed off, realizing that the normally alert sniper was tipsy. Only slightly, but it still concerned him. "Tell me honestly, how much did you have to drink tonight?"

"I'm on my second glass of wine," she responded. "Buzzed, but not gone, as you can see."

"No more for you. You stop me, I stop you, we're square." Roy took her hand and led her to the couch in the front area of her apartment, making sure the creaky door closed. "Sit."

Riza sat, but looked like she was not happy about it. Protesting that order could provoke an unwanted response. And it was honestly kind of nice, being taken care of. It gave Roy something to do so that he did not fall to pieces.

"So, you're deciding to drown your sorrows?" Roy whispered.

Riza nodded mutely.

Slamming his hands on the coffee table, Roy hissed, "Dammit, Riza, this _isn't _you! Maes threw himself into this, heart and soul. He died trying to help me. The guilt is on me, not you, and you don't see me doing this!"

"And yet here I am. Here we are." Riza was refusing to look at her superior. "Somehow this happened, Roy, and I don't know how."

"The hell you don't! Riza, however depressed you may be, however normal this- this _solution_ may seem, it's not right! The reason I came here was because I was concerned for you, and it appears that I have every right to be!" Roy moved closer. Riza moved away, and Roy stated, "At least I didn't drink myself into oblivion!"

"Hypocrite," Riza hissed.

Roy grabbed Riza's shoulders, forcing him to meet his glare. "Say… that… again…" he challenged.

Glaring right back, Riza scathingly informed him, "You heard me the first time."

Hands still gripping her shoulders, but now shaking, Roy's speech began to break. "I know… this is hard for you. You know how hard it is for me. But you don't need… you don't need to feel my pain vicariously. You don't want yours, and you shouldn't have to bear mine. I know I said that this was a fight for the both of us, side by side, but I never had _this_ in mind." He pulled her into an embrace. "I don't want to see you gone, too."

Riza's arms came up around Roy's back. "I wasn't going to get drunk."

"Riza…" Roy sighed. "How am I to know that? How can I trust you?"

Involuntarily, Riza's fists clenched. She knew she had let him down, let herself down.

That did not mean that she had to admit it.

"I've always been there, haven't I?" she reasoned softly, for the first time actually _trying_ to seduce him. "I've never lost it when things got bad. You said you could always believe in me. Are you going to stop now?" Slowly, she drew back, then gently pressed her lips to his, every second stinging with hope and regret.

Roy pulled back. "Don't try that with me, Riza. I invented the game. You know you let me down, and that in and of itself is disappointing to you, and to me. I can't say I didn't enjoy what you just did, but it won't help you or me. If anyone were to ever find out, they would have at least me to hold accountable, unless you could prove that you weren't drunk. What will help you is sleep." He steered her to her room. "If you try anything in the middle of the night, I'll know, and Riza, there _will_ be consequences."

Riza nodded and closed the door.

It was just slightly after that Roy thought he could hear her sobbing.

**A/N: If you'd like to end here, as I have decided I will, then don't read the next chapter. The next chapter is for those who want a happy closure. I warn you: I did not put as much effort into it as I did this one, so it's a bit disjointed and probably rather sleep-influenced.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Riza… Riza, wake up."

Riza opened her eyes, then shut them immediately.

"Dammit," she whispered under her breath. "This _wasn't_ supposed to happen." She put her arm up over her eyes, but Roy could see the tears leak out from under. "I thought I could blame it all on the wine, and I wouldn't remember a thing, but that didn't make things better, so I'm telling you the truth: I'm sorry."

"You're sorry about the kiss?" Roy wanted to know.

Riza nodded and croaked, "Yes."

Roy smiled gently. "Don't be. That wasn't anything to regret. You can be sorry about anything else, but never for that kiss."

Not taking her arm off her eyes, Riza sniffed, "Why not?"

"Because…" Roy sighed. "Because I knew that if I didn't stop it myself, I would go too far, and regardless of who wanted what, I would've won out."

Riza, who had taken her hand off of her eyes and was looking very surprised, admitted, "I would've gladly kept on that track with you. Lying to myself about right and wrong seemed to be the thing to do right then."

"For that brief instant, that was my choice, too. I guess I've just ruined too much to be that carefree," Roy speculated.

"You don't think…" Riza's eyes widened. "I haven't gone _past_ that point, have I?"

Roy shook his head. "Usually, the drinking happens _before_ that." He sat down on the foot of the bed.

"Somehow, hearing that from you is the most and least reassuring thing at the same time," Riza informed him.

"Yeah, I get that a lot from you," joked Roy. "But I'm also usually the one causing problems."

Sitting up, Riza made a shoo-ing motion. "Out. I need to change. Don't give me that look- you were the one who said I wouldn't be able to stop you, so you need to stop yourself, and I'd rather not test that right now if it's all the same to you."

Roy mock-saluted and walked out. "You don't mind if I make breakfast, do you?"

"If I had to work today, I would," Riza's muffled reply stated. Suddenly suspicious, she asked, "Did you just suddenly decide to take a personal day, too?"

"Now what would give you an idea like that?" Roy smirked. "I'm always late, aren't I?"

Riza conceded, "Well, yes… but it's already a quarter to ten. You should probably get in."

Cursing, Roy ran to the door. "Rain check on the breakfast?" he called, shoving his shoes on his feet.

"My next day off," she replied.

"When would that be?" Roy wanted to know.

"I don't know yet. It depends on how much I have to do in the next few weeks. I can take only one day a month, you know," Riza informed him, emerging from her room.

Roy cursed again, and, as Riza was about to shut the door, he kissed her. "You're worth everything to me. Don't forget that." He left.

Riza slowly ambled out to the kitchen, grabbed the wine, and stuck it in the trash. "I don't need you anymore for times like last night. I've got someone who cares more about me. I'm glad he got to me before you did. I might just invite you to the wedding, though."

**END**

**A/N: Gee, I hope that wine wasn't expensive… That's kind of an inside joke though. If you know how expensive wine gets sometimes, throwing it away isn't the best thing for your pocketbook.**

**Note how they never actually say, "I love you". I was intending to imply that they knew.**

**I like the words I chose to end it, but I don't like the ending in general. I should've ended it at the sobbing, but I tacked that last part on so that the people who want closure can get it.**


End file.
